Being present in a relationship takes work, and sometimes it’s just too much to ask for when your boo is not capable of giving you what you need for things to work.
The pros got the scoop on how you can spot an emotionally unavailable boo:
- They Don’t Allow Themselves To Be Vulnerable Around You – Licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson says, “Perfectionism and isolation may have been their coping skills in order to defend against having any needs that others may not meet.”
- They Use Humor Or Storytelling To Deflect – “It’s difficult for them to acknowledge their own pain,” says Psychotherapist Michelle Farris. “In a relationship, they don’t recognize other people’s pain and that makes them appear less supportive.”
- They Shut Down When You Need Emotional Support – “The classic example would be a person who shuts down and becomes less verbal when their partner is experiencing upset feelings,” licensed clinical professional counselor Marilee Feldman
- They’re Inconsistent – “Most people get caught up in the first part of these messages and gloss over the ‘but’ part thinking that with enough time and affection this person will want to commit,” explains licensed clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi.
- They’re Evasive and Lack Responsibility – Licensed clinical psychologist Catherine Jackson says, “They never blame themselves or take responsibility for anything that goes wrong including in past relationships.”
- They Blow Hot And Cold – Anna Morgenstern is a dating and relationship coach, she says you’ll feel like your partner has checked out when they turn “cold,” noting, “They won’t want to make future plans and don’t seem excited about existing plans.”
- You Always Feel Like You’re Chasing After Them – “Keep in mind that people show up as who they are from the start,” says Farris.
Pay attention folks!